Bad Padfoot!
by Age of the Geek Baby
Summary: Harry Potter has had a tough life. Now that he no longer has to deal with Voldemort, what will happen? Why, his godfather getting him involved in an alien war because he couldn't use a tree. Poor Harry. Now a mini series of related one-shots.
1. Bad Padfoot! Off the robot!

Disclaimer: I don't own the creative brilliance of either Transformers or Harry Potter.  
Warnings: Very mild language, AU

A/N: This is just a little five-minute one-shot I wrote, inspired by a thought in another fic that I am writing. If someone wants to expand on this, feel free to, just let me know so I can post your fic on my profile page. I hope that you enjoy.

Word Count: 474  
Posted: 18 July 2009  
Status: Complete

* * *

Staring at the thrumming cannons, Harry couldn't help but sigh. After following his godfather through the Veil, Harry had spent nearly two years searching for him before he had finally found the man living as Padfoot. Tracking him down to a quiet neighborhood in a place called Tranquility, Harry couldn't stop himself from sighing.

His plan had been simple. He would wait until night fall, quietly sneak into the backyard of the man's house, and dognap his godfather. Instead, when the lights had finally been turned off, he had to follow Padfoot for nearly two blocks before he found himself standing in a backyard where several giant robots stood.

Harry arrived just in time to see Padfoot hike up a leg and piss all over the foot of the large black one. Stifling a groan, Harry made his way into the backyard and glared down at his godfather. His attention was drawn away from laughing blue eyes at the sound of humming energy. Looking up, Harry stared at the thrumming cannons for a moment before sighing.

"You're dog leaked lubricants all over my foot."

Snorting, Harry stepped to the side as Padfoot tried to hide behind him. "Do what you want with him, just don't kill him."

Hearing Padfoot whine, he smirked down at the dog. "You were stupid enough to 'leak lubricants' on a giant robot. Now you get to deal with the consequences Padfoot. But I swear, if I get caught up in an alien robot war, I'll make you wish you never pissed on anything but a tree."

Five minutes later, Harry found himself in the back of a car with two other teenagers, his godfather whining softly behind him in the very back. Of course the bloody agents wouldn't believe him when he said he had simply been looking for his dog. No, they had taken both him and Padfoot into custody and now the annoying one that had an over inflated ego was asking them what they knew about aliens. Harry sulked. He was really beginning to wish that he hadn't broken free of Remus' grip. If he hadn't gone through the Veil, he wouldn't be dealing with bloody alien robots because his godfather had decided it was a brilliant idea to piss on the foot of one of the alien robots.

Harry gave a dark scowl. Padfoot would be paying a visit to the vet. Getting neutered may just make Sirius think twice about pissing on alien robots again. Then again, Sirius would probably just do something even worse. Sighing again, Harry resigned himself to his fate. Only he could end up getting involved in an alien robot war because his godfather thought it was a good idea to 'leak lubricants' on the foot of one of the alien robots. He was definitely going to have Padfoot neutered.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's it. I really hope that you enjoyed. Mojo peeing on Ironhide was one of my favorite scenes, and this seems like something that Sirius would do. Reviews are nice, and thanks for reading.


	2. So, What'd They Get You For?

Disclaimer: I do not own either.  
Warnings: Very mild language, AU

A/N: Another five minute one-shot I wrote about what happens after Bad Padfoot! This may turn into a mini series.

Word Count: 331  
Posted: 24 July 2009  
Status: Complete

* * *

Sitting next to the two teenagers in the helicopter, he kept a tight grip on the harness his godfather wore. It was clipped to a short strap connected to the floo, keeping the Grim like dog from taking an unwanted trip out of the helicopter.

Even with the headset he was wearing, Harry barely caught what the other teen, Sam if he remembered correctly, started to say.

"So..."

"What'd they get you for?" Looking across at the blonde woman, Harry caught the stunned expression she wore at Sam's response.

"Uhm, I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?"

Snorting, Harry gave an amused smile as he spoke to the two stunned adults across from him, his voice entirely bemused.

"If you think that's bad, you'll love this. I go looking for my dog, only to find Padfoot using the foot of an alien robot as a tree. Apparently it's illegal or something to own a dog that takes a piss on alien robots."

Taking in the stupefied expressions, Harry couldn't help but snicker. Sam's situation was bizarre, sure, but Harry's really did take the cake. Maybe he wouldn't have Padfoot neutered after all. He had accepted long ago that he wouldn't have a normal life. Even when he no longer had a psychotic Dark Lord after him.

No, he wouldn't have a normal life, but thanks to his dogfather he would have an interesting life. Still feeling amused, Harry ran a hand over Padfoot's head. He wouldn't be neutering his dogfather, but Padfoot would be paying a visit to the vet. Maybe after having a standard check up, Sirius would think twice about marking is territory on alien beings.

As the helicopter landed and they were ushered into another black SUV, Harry gave a soft sigh. Wishful thinking on his part, but Harry couldn't care less. He had found his godfather and could look forward to living a life past his eighteenth birthday.

Life was good.

* * *

A/N: I hope that you enjoyed. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.


	3. He's A What?

Disclaimer: I do not own, at all.  
Warnings: AU, OOC, mild language

A/N: It's official, this has turned into a mini series of one shots. So, whenever a scene pops into my mind for this, I'll write it and eventually post it. I may even post completely unrelated one shots, but I'll be sure to leave a note that it isn't related to what I'll call the 'Bad Padfoot!' series. At the moment, my priorities are my two sequels, and WSTASOCC? whenever its plot bunny shows up. In any case, I hope you enjoy.

Word Count: 1,041  
Published: 10 November 2009  
Status: Complete

* * *

His life sucked.

Staring up at the vicious looking mech, Harry wondered how hard it would be to escape from Hoover Dam. It would be too difficult if he tried to run at the moment, considering how long it would take him to reach the outside. That wasn't even counting how many people he would have to slip by undetected.

His escape attempt would have to wait. He could only hope that an opportunity would present itself before something bad happened. Looking up at Megatron once again, Harry had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't be able to slip away with Padfoot unnoticed before something happened.

Keeping a tight grip on the collar someone had acquired for Padfoot, Harry stayed close to Sam and Mikaela as they were led away from Megatron and to another room. It overlooked a vast cavern, and even though someone was talking, Harry didn't hear them. He was too busy gaping at the giant alien cube.

The giant alien cube that was thrumming with an energy that he could feel in his very bones, that was calling to him like the moon called to a werewolf. His magic reacted, and the thrumming that he felt in his very bones became a voice that he could hear but couldn't quite make out the words.

Startled shouts and the soft clicks of guns were enough for Harry to tear his eyes away from the Cube and his attention from the voices that were whispering to him. It was at this point that he noticed his hand was no longer gripping the collar at his side, but somewhere just over his head. Following his arm up, he found Sirius staring down at him in concern, his blue eyes filled with worry.

"Whoa, what the hell is going on?"  
"The hell? He was a dog! How the hell did the dog change into a man?"

"Enough."

Silence descended on the room following Keller's demand. All eyes were locked on Sirius, guns remaining trained on the man. Harry was the only one not staring, his green eyes having drifted back to stare at the Cube as he tried to make out the whispers that he was hearing.  
"Pup, look at me." Glancing at Sirius, Harry vaguely gave his godfather a smile before turning his attention back to what was calling to him and his magic.

"Harry, look at me." Turning to look at Sirius again, Harry was prevented from returning his attention back to the Cube by a large hand gently, but firmly gripping his chin.

"Listen to me Harry. Ignore the whispers."

"But Siri, it's calling to me."

"No Harry, you have to ignore it. You don't know how not to lose yourself in the energy. You can listen to them later, but not until I've taught you how to do it properly. I don't feel like carrying you, so don't give me a reason to knock you out."

"Bad Padfoot."

Grinning, Sirius ruffled his hair. "Good, that's one last thing to worry about. Now I just need to worry about keeping you safe from evil alien robots. Maybe I should knock you out, just to save myself the trouble."

Yes, his life sucked, but smiling widely, Harry decided that it wasn't too bad at the moment. At least Sirius was with him, which was better than dealing with everything alone.

Having to face Voldemort alone repeatedly, Harry was extremely grateful that Sirius was with him. Dealing with Voldemort's alien cousin was something he did not want to do alone. Maybe he wouldn't have Padfoot neutered.

"Um, setting aside the fact that the dog turned into a man, I have a question. What kind of energy are you trying to hide?"

The possibility of an alien invasion trumped the absurdity of a dog suddenly changing into a man, as guns were put away and they were guided to yet another room. The fact that they needed to be locked in had Sirius groaning even as the man pulled Harry closer to his side.

Seeing the phone turned homicidal robot, Sirius wasn't sure if he should be thankful that they were in another world. On one hand, Voldemort did not exist, so Harry no longer had a psychotic serial killer after him, but on the other hand, Harry was about to get caught in a giant alien robot war. Watching Simmons kill the tiny demonic robot, Sirius decided that he preferred alien robots.

At least they wouldn't be expected to fight the buggers alone, and there was also the added bonus of the fact that they could actually kill the wankers. With Voldemort, the guy just didn't seem to want to stay dead.

Voldie's alien cousin on the other hand, he was fairly sure the robot would stay dead if they killed him. Of course, actually killing Megatron would not be easy.

Watching the Cube shrink, Sirius ignored the whispers that his magic carried to him. Keeping an arm wrapped around his godson, Sirius made a mental note to teach the teen how to sense things with his magic without losing himself in it. That Cube was especially dangerous. It was almost like Hogwarts, only a lot more powerful.

There was a reason why it had taken the Marauders so long to create their map. It was also a reason why the fact that the three of them had managed to become animigi on their own was so incredible. Training to become an animigus was extremely dangerous, and was the main reason why not everyone could become an animigus. It had nothing to do with how powerful a witch or wizard was. After all, Peter had become an animigus, and he wasn't exactly powerful.

Sirius couldn't ponder further on the stupidity of his youth as the ground shook once more.

It was time to get going.

The frozen alien popsicle had finally defrosted and woken up, and he was not happy.

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed, and reviews are always lovely. If you were confused about the 'whispers', don't worry. I'll go into a better explanation later. I'll also be posting changing points of view, so you'll be seeing the 'silent' reactions of the others for when Sirius decided to change back. As I said before, these one shots aren't my priority at the moment. They'll pop up randomly though.  
On a somewhat unrelated note, I've started a forum and you can click on the link in my profile page. It's basically a forum I started to put out ideas and/or challenges for crossovers. Also to bounce ideas around. I've posted one challenge and will be adding more once I find the composition book I had filled with challenges and ideas. Hope you come and share your thoughts.


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